I started therapy in 3 years ago and it was the best decision and investment that I’ve made for myself in my entire life. I wanted to discuss it more in a standalone blog post mainly because mental health and seeing a therapist is still a bit taboo in the Black community. I’m really happy that my generation is openly having this conversation to change the perception of therapy. Plus, I figured if this post inspires someone who has been contemplating going to therapy actually to make an appointment, I’ve done my job. 3 years later and I’m happy with the progress I’ve made.
WHY I DECIDED TO START THERAPY
HEALING FROM PAST HURT
I’ve been through some things in my life. Especially during the time after I graduated from grad school and couldn’t find a job for 1.5 years. I knew that once I was able to find and afford a therapist, I needed to talk through everything that I went through and unresolved feelings so it wouldn’t hinder my growth. I didn’t want to look back and regret my decisions because I was being stubborn and not wanting to work on myself.
Another factor is my experience growing up as a first-gen kid. We go through many things, but I don’t we openly talk about them. Your parents are going through their own trauma with adjusting to new norms and making it in a new country, all while raising children. By no intentional fault of my parents, I experienced some things that maybe they didn’t know how to address because they were just trying to survive. So going to therapy to heal childhood wounds and break those cycles is so important to me. While I am definitely in no rush to get married if I do get married, I want to make sure that I’ve resolved issues in all my relationships so I don’t carry that over and continue the pattern of hurt.
UNLEARNING HARMFUL HABITS
One thing I’ve learned and noticed as I’ve gotten older is everything that I learned when I was younger wasn’t always the best lesson I should take with me. In my first session, after I shared some stories about my life, my therapist identified behavior patterns and cycles that I constantly use to cope with that have cost me some people/places/things. It was the first time in my life to see that everything that I’ve done/gone through has triggers, warning signs, and habits that I have never paid attention to. Working on being aware of these patterns and triggers will help me choose a different way to cope and be a better person in all my relationships.
I COULD AFFORD TO
Let’s be honest, therapy is hella expensive. This is the main reason – outside of finding a Black therapist – why it took me so long to start therapy. For something that’s so beneficial for everyone, it’s so expensive. And for you to really see the impact of therapy you can’t just go once and then let months pass by before you go again. The main reason I can afford to right now is not that my insurance covers it because it doesn’t, but because I have a health savings account (HSA) that I use to pay for it. If I didn’t, I definitely couldn’t afford to. My therapist is out of network so I have to pay out of pocket aka my HSA. But it’s worth it because I just wasn’t comfortable with anyone else being my therapist.
RESOURCES TO FIND A THERAPIST THAT WORKS FOR YOU
If this post inspired you to look for a therapist, there are quite a few resources available to find someone you’re looking for. I’ve listed a few resources below of sites you can search. While this list of directories is not extensive, it’s a great place to start.
- Therapy for Black Girls: A directory to find therapists who cater specifically to Black women and girls.
- Latinx Therapy: A directory focused on connecting the Latinx community with mental health professionals.
- National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network (NQTTCN): A directory for queer and trans people of color seeking mental health support.
- Inclusive Therapists: This platform caters specifically to BIPOC and LGBTQ+ communities.Inclusive Therapists for Black, Indigenous, People of Color, Queer, Transgender, Nonbinary, Neurodivergent, Disabled communities.
- Psychology Today Therapy Directory: You can use their search filters to find therapists who identify as BIPOC. I used this directory to find my current therapist.
- Therapy Den: This progressive therapist directory allows filtering by race and ethnicity.
Like I said earlier, therapy has changed my life. I’ve shared and talked about things that I’ve never shared with anyone before. Being able to have a neutral, objective party listen to me and point out unhealthy ways I respond to situations has been so helpful. I’ve noticed that I’m willing to be vulnerable with people that I haven’t been able to before in my entire life.
10/10 would recommend finding a therapist that you feel comfortable with to deal with past trauma/hurt that you’ve experienced. I also know the importance of finding a therapist that you identify with and don’t have to jump/explain cultural hurdles for. This is why it was super important for me to find a Black woman therapist. I know that process of finding the therapist that work for you/click with can be difficult but I highly recommend you taking the first step and starting. Your future self will thank you for it.
WHAT’S HOLDING YOU BACK FROM STARTING THERAPY?
